Why Not Show A Little Kindness?

Posted on May 19, 2016 by Pastor Cheryl

John 13:34-35 (NIV)“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Pastors often deal with people who are having a hard time getting along. Couples who are fighting and angry with each other come to us to work out their “issues.” It can be messy and uncomfortable. It is hard work to get people moving toward reconciliation. It is not work for the squeamish or weak of heart. I was saddened to find this same kind of tension and strife present during the UM General Conference currently being held in Portland, OR. Like so many “Metho-nerds” (a term coined by the UM Reporter) I have spent countless hours tuned in to podcasts, reading reports of Conference activities, praying for General Conference. I have heard people say that the UM Church is facing the real possibility of divorce. It seems like the parties just can’t get along. People are often angry and defensive and are either engaging in negative communication or not talking at all. Along with prayer, I wondered if there was anything else we could try to get us back on track?

In my own ministry practice I use something called Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT). I have found great success in using IRT exercises to get people re-engaged in their relationship. This is especially helpful in cases when there seems to be no way to move forward without splitting up.

Imago Relationship Therapy is an effective, loving and compassionate approach to bridging the distance between you and your partner! The principles and practices of Imago Therapy, first described by Harville Hendrix, PhD, in his best-seller “Getting the Love You Want,” have touched the lives of over 100,000 people in approximately 30 countries. detailed an exercise that helps couples both express and hear words of appreciation.

I have outlined below an exercise that can help people (usually married couples) both express and hear words of appreciation. It allows for the creation of a safe place for deep sharing and listening. There is not doubt about it, both deep sharing and listening is transformative and restorative to even the most fractured relationship. I began to wonder, what would happen if we adopted something like this exercise and practice at General Conference?

Could we find one thing we honestly value and appreciate in another even though we disagree?

I wonder what would happen if we could sit face to face, looking into one another’s eyes and listen deeply without judgement?

Could we find peace?

Reconciliation?

Unity?

Love?

We UM’s are very much like a married couple who even though they are really unhappy they are simply unwilling to just throw away the marriage. Like them we want to make it work. So many United Methodist are unwilling to just give up and walk away. So why not keep praying for reconciliation and renewed love while we also give IRT a try?

Be blessed!

Pastor Cheryl

Exercise in Sharing Appreciation

Instructions:

Choose who will be the sender and who will be the receiver

Look into each other’s eyes.

Take 3 deep breaths.

Take turns sharing your responses.

Sharing an Appreciation – Sender

I would like to share an appreciation. Is now a good time?

Listen for response.

One thing I appreciate about you is…

Response.

When you do that I feel…

Response.

And when I feel that, it reminds me that when I was little…

Response.

Mirroring an Appreciation – Receiver

I am available now.

Listen for appreciation.

Let me see if I got that. You said…Did I get it?

Response.

Is there more about that?

Response.

Let me see if I got ALL of that. You said…Did I get it all?

End with one-minute hug

Here is a link to view the Mirroring an Appreciation

More about Imago Relationship Therapy found here http://imagorelationships.org/pub/

Little Voices in Your Head

Posted on July 16, 2015 by Pastor Cheryl

Did you ever want to meet those little voices in your head? Inside Out Teaser Trailer

We all have voices in our heads and they often are represented in the emotions of joy, sadness, fear, anger and disgust. Unfortunately for many people the overriding emotions are sadness, fear, anger and disgust. Most of us rarely hear clearly the voice of joy. Even pastors struggle, pastors especially struggle with the voices of sadness, fear, anger and disgust. Did you realize that study’s indicate that pastors are some of the most depressed people around? An article in Duke Today (Clergy More Likely to Suffer from Depression, Anxiety) says “The demands placed on clergy by themselves and others put pastors at far greater risk for depression than individuals with other occupations, a new study by the Clergy Health Initiative at Duke Divinity School has found.” They discovered that most of the reported depression and anxiety centered around the job.

This news always makes me feel bad for clergy. I believe that most of the precipitating factors can be worked out so no clergy needs to be mad, sad, afraid or disgusted! Of course true freedom is found in God through Christ Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit and we should first and foremost take our negative emotions to God in prayer. I want to share a prayer method with you that I have found helpful to put into practice faith and trust in God and confidence in God’s good plan.

Here’s what I do…I use a God box. It can be any kind of box in any size. Some people like to use a fire pit for their God box so they will never be tempted to remove their thoughts and prayers from their God box. Use your God box by simply writing down worries, fears, and concerns and drop them into the box. Whenever a new worry comes up, into the God box it goes. Put your concern in the box and pray aloud “Almighty God is my immediate and endless source of life. I believe that even now God is making miracles for me.” This allows us to externalize the problem or emotion as we recognize God’s will and work which ultimately frees us. We will find freedom and peace and power when we release the worry, fear, concern and/or any life question or problem to God. Leave it in God’s hands with sure and certain faith that what God wants for you is perfect. If the thought comes back to your head or heart, remind yourself that you turned that over to God and can’t be concerned about it any further. What matters most is that we offer to God the problem with a sincere and consistent heart. Remember, what is dropped in the box, stays in the box, as you embrace fully that God can and will handle every problem or issue in amazing ways. You can claim with certainty, “it’s done!” The box gives room for God’s plan, even in impossible messes.

For you real reverends reading I know this may sound pretty remedial, but, I am here to just give you a little reminder of God’s awesome power to heal the brokenhearted. I wonder, were you led here because you have some pressing worry or concern or issue that has distracted you? Are those little voices of anger, fear, sadness or disgust in your head distractive you from the work you are called to do? Knowing that negative thoughts block our path to God will you accept the freedom God offers by putting them into the God Box?

God bless you!

Cheryl

What are Your Symbols of Pride?

Posted on July 9, 2015 by Pastor Cheryl

People have been using flags to share information about who they are and what they believe for thousands of years. Flags are simply a symbol of pride, or are they?

Humans have used colors and symbols on pieces of material to send a message or signal, share information and even just for decoration. Flags have been used to help us know whether someone is a friend or foe. They identify medical missions (the red cross) and even a act as a symbol of surrender and safety. Clearly we react to flags on an emotional level and over the past couple of weeks our country has been immersed in emotionally charged discussions about two common symbols of pride. Many people continue to wrestle with the symbolism found in these two flags – the Confederate flag and Pride flag. Both flags are symbols of pride. Both flags have been used to identify and polarize people. Why does flying a particular flag create such pain and polarity?

The formal study of flags is called vexillology, a word invented by Dr. Whitney Smith, one of the premier students of the subject; it first appeared in print in 1959. The word comes from the Latin vexillum, originally meaning a horizontally-displayed banner of the type used by Roman legions. Flag Heritage

The “real” first American Flag “The Forster Flag” Learn more about the Forster Flag

Today every country has a flag. Some families have a special flag. Churches have a flag. Various groups like the Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts have flags. Flags can remain constant or change over the course of time (like the U.S. flag as states were added.) No doubt about it, flags are powerful symbols of pride that evoke feelings, some of solidarity and relief or in some cases they evoke great fear and anger.

After reading various articles and the comments or listening to coverage on the radio and TV, I have discovered that I have clearly underestimated the power of flags to create community or cause angst and anger. The flag of the Confederacy and the Pride flag have been front and center over the past few weeks with some people thinking these flags are offensive. They detest the symbolism behind the cloth. They want them taken down, destroyed and otherwise obliterated. Others venerate the flags and hold them to be symbols of pride and favor. Emotions run high on each side of the debates. Christians can find Biblical text to support nearly every position. I do not personally have any trouble with either of these symbols. However, I do ascribe to the “do no harm” adage and would gladly give way to those who feel hurt or shamed by these symbols.

Clearly this is an important topic that demands our attention. So what are we to do? I wonder what symbol(s) have you become attached to? Why? What could happen if we would surrender our personal symbol(s) of pride? As for me, I will try to respond with all the Grace God gives me. Jesus showed grace when dealing with hurting people. He showed great wisdom when dealing with difficult issues. Here is just one approach the Apostle Paul instructed for believers found in Romans 15…

We who are strong in faith should help the weak with their weaknesses, and not please only ourselves. ²Let each of us please our neighbors for their good, to help them be stronger in faith. ³Even Christ did not live to please himself. It was as the Scriptures said: “When people insult you, it hurts me.” ⁴Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us. The Scriptures give us patience and encouragement so that we can have hope. ⁵May the patience and encouragement that come from God allow you to live in harmony with each other the way Christ Jesus wants. ⁶Then you will all be joined together, and you will give glory to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (New Century Version)

May we be empowered by God, in Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit to allow love and unity be our response to the troubles of the world.

Blessings,

Cheryl

Real Reverends What They Didn’t Teach Us in Seminary

Posted on June 30, 2015 by Pastor Cheryl

Ronny Cammareri: I’m in love with you.

Loretta Castorini: [slaps him twice] Snap out of it!

There are such blessings and curses in being the pastor in charge (PIC). I love the people of the church but church people have not always been perfect partners. The truth of the matter is I cannot change my partner, I can only work on myself. That is what I have been doing over the course of my practice of ministry these past 15 years. The journey has been filled with many twists and turns. I found great joy in my partnership with the church and I have been slapped in the face a couple of times. I must be moonstruck because I still haven’t snapped out of it. I think that is why I temporarily left the church for a couple of years. During my break I rested. I healed. I learned. Now I am back stronger than ever and ready and willing to help other pastors learn from my experience. I serve in a ¼ time appointment in the local church and ¾ of my time is spend in clergy coaching. It is my prayer to provide for clergy everywhere a safe, effective and confidential place where pastors can be restored and made ready to serve in the local church.

One of my favorite movies is Moonstruck. I could watch it over and over and over again. Here’s a line I love: “What you don’t know about women, is a lot.” The line seems to fit in so many instances. It resonates in my head when I think about life in ministry. I may think, “What you don’t know about people, is a lot.” Or, “What you don’t know about church staff issues, is a lot. What you don’t know about church finances, is a lot. What you don’t know about leading and keeping volunteers, is a lot.” Really, what I don’t know about running the church, is a lot. Out of fairness I must proclaim that seminary did not teach me how to handle the day to day running a church. Sure, I was taught how to exegete the heck out of Scripture. I can congregate in Greek, Hebrew and sometimes even in English. I know how to study Scripture with the best of them! I even know minute details about various world religions that will impress the best! Yes, I know how to put together a bible study with ease but where was that class on how to unclog the church toilets. Or the training on how to retrieve your church keys when locked out of church (this did happen to me, once… and I have heard stories of pastors locked out in their robe only wearing a slip underneath because darn it, it’s hot in Texas!) Why, oh why, did I skip class the day that taught how to handle pesky church secretaries? How did I miss instruction on church staff issues, gossip, personal attacks, conflict, family problems (within our own family) and/or facility management? Oh, yes, we didn’t have seminary classes to teach the day-to-day reality of being the CEO, janitor, beadle and jack of all trades in the church.

Cosmo Castorini: “There are three kinds of pipe. There’s what you have, which is garbage – and you can see where that’s gotten you. There’s bronze, which is pretty good, unless something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong. Then, there’s copper, which is the only pipe I use. It costs money. It costs money because it saves money.”

I remember the very first day at my very first solo appointment in an urban church which was literally falling down around my feet. That day it was raining cats and dogs. I heard a drip, drip, drip. There was thunder and lightning and then a whooshing sound. I decided to go exploring. That’s when I found the river, flowing down the walls into the hallway of the education wing (built in the 50’s). I had my trusty list of names given to me by the SPRC chair and quickly phoned the Chair of Trustee’s. I told her about the deluge (on level with what Noah faced) and asked her what I should do. She said, and I quote, “Well pastor, unless you want to get up on the roof with an umbrella there’s not much you can do.”

Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?

Loretta Castorini: Aw, ma, I love him awful.

Rose: Oh, God, that’s too bad.

I have rediscovered my love for the church. I love the messiness. I love the people. But mostly, I love the Lord and he said the Church was His body. With all the challenges facing the Church I think that pastors can use a little help. A recent report released from The Center for Health of the General Board of Pension and Health Benefits (GBPHB) give some alarming statistics. Here’s the link to check it out: http://www.gbophb.org/news/release/pr20150625/

Real reverends, do not be disheartened. You are not alone. I will walk alongside you and pray for you and remind you that you are deeply loved. I leave you with one final quote from Moonstruck for times when you feel the most downcast:

Cosmo Castorini: A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing, and that’s a bad, crazy day.

Rose: Your life is not built on nothing! Te amo.

Te amo ya’ll!

Blessings,

Cheryl

All Moonstruck quotes from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093565/quotes

Fresh Starts – Transitions in Ministry

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Pastor Cheryl

Fresh Starts

Life in United Methodist ministry represents a series of frequent transitions. Each year during appointment time all pastors face the stress associated with a change in appointments. For some, the change in appointment is welcomed; for others a change represents inconvenience or even chaos. Appointment changes not only effect clergy, but also the immediate family members, extended family, friends, the church left behind and the church receiving a new pastor. Transitions may cause BIG changes in routines and location as they force us to re-examine our values and lifestyle.

Life for UM Clergy is all about transitions. Transitions call us to review and reevaluate where we were, where we are currently, and where we are going. The very nature of transitions create personal challenges. They disrupt the status quo. Pastors moving to a new appointment or changing duties in a current appointment, or retiring or re-entering the pastorate are facing some pretty BIG transitions. How are we to navigate transitions? Frankly, it takes prayer and commitment and blessing! Sometimes we need a little help moving through transitions without getting discourage, depressed or derailed! It is during such times that it is key to be surrounded by supportive relationships.

Here are some tips for dealing with the challenges found in transitions:

Tips for Transitions:

* Cultivate supportive relationships. Lean on people you trust. Talk with good friends or family members during transitional times. It may help to find a clergy coach who can provide confidential, reliable support, encouragement and direction for the future.

* Take good care of yourself. During transitions it is a great time to start or renew health and fitness workout routines. Schedule regular times of physical activity. Do something that makes you happy. Find a hobby or renews your commitment to take time to learn a new fun activity. Join team sports. Your clergy coach can help by providing resources to get moving while having fun.

* Be open and flexible. Transitions take time and new routines will need to be established. It may take time to settle into new routines. Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself while new routines are set. Your clergy coach will help you stay loose and flexible by providing opportunities to help you stretch and grow.

* Deal with any residual feelings of loss or pain before moving on. It’s time to deal with those pesky feelings, doubts, fears that follow you to your new situation. Having a good goodbye is dealing with all unfinished business from the past before moving on. This can be accomplished with honest assessment, prayer, forgiveness, and or loving release of past wounds. You may want to ask yourself, “How do I want to say goodbye to every person, situation, event, place that has been important to me?” Then say goodbye and let it go. Surrender your feelings of loss by acknowledging them. When is it time to let go? Right now. Your clergy coach can help put the old issues to rest in order to have you ready for a new life in ministry.

* Develop good Sabbath taking practices. Isn’t it funny how we preach taking Sabbath but often fail to take Sabbath for ourselves? Start by setting good boundaries as you set up scheduled times for prayer, renewal and refreshment. Your clergy coach will help you by holding you accountable for setting good healthy boundaries and sticking with your Sabbath schedule.

* Use the resources around you by engaging good clergy coach. A clergy coach will help you glide through transition issues with grace. Do not underestimate the importance of a confidential pastoral coach that will provide insight, feedback and encouragement to be the pastor God has called you to be. Your clergy coach does not report to the D.S., your church, your committees or the Conference in any form or manner. You are free to be who you are with your clergy coach. You will be safe to explore your ministry plans together.Did you know that your professional business expenses will pay for a clergy coach?

Transitions happen! Whether your transitions become a blessing or a bummer is your choice. Today get some help by calling me to schedule your free 30 minute coaching session. Let’s get started today. Call me at (512)650-8458.

Blessings,

Cheryl

Good to know:

Your clergy personal business expense account generally covers clergy coaching.
You can sign up for a 4 session package for $400.00

One of the hardest jobs in America?

Posted on May 7, 2015 by Pastor Cheryl

According to leadership guru Peter Drucker here are the four hardest jobs in America:

The president of the United States
A university president
A CEO of a hospital
A pastor

Being a pastor is hard work! The truth is that ministry is often a thankless and difficult vocational calling that is largely underfunded and unappreciated. Let me give you a word of encouragement, pastor, don’t give up! You are so important to the life and health of your community!

Galatians 6:9 (NLT) says: So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

I know firsthand that being a pastor is one of the most difficult jobs in America. I am a fully ordained United Methodist pastor and certified professional life coach. Before becoming a full time life coach I pastored four churches (I am in my fifth charge now) over the course of my 15 years in ministry. Time and time again I have either experienced or heard the horror stories of ministry misadventures, and believe me, I know how demoralizing it can be. Despite the difficulties, most pastors enjoy what they do and would never leave the ministry. But, unfortunately, many pastors continue to experience ongoing challenges and struggles. Pastors would gladly receive help if they knew who to trust and where they could get such help.

That’s where I come in, God has called me to offer you support and tools necessary for you to experience blessing in your life and ministry. I will be your personal pastor providing supportive spiritual coaching that will help you not only remain effective in your ministry setting, but I will help you excel in ministry. I provide coaching and support for such matters as: time management, emotional intelligence, healthy boundaries, conflict management, effective communication, staff leadership, and meaningful feedback on preaching and teaching. I am also available for coaching on all pesky church staff issues.

Could you use that kind of support? All you need to do, right now, is to start with prayer. Pray about how I can be of assistance to you. Then reach out to me by calling 512-650-8458 or email at Cheryl@ateamlifecoaching.com. With God’s help, together we will make your ministry healthier, more robust and blessed beyond measure.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Don’t wait to start pastoral coaching another day. Let me be an answer to your prayers for partnership and support that will bless your personal life and your life in ministry.

In Christ’s Love,

Rev. Cheryl A. Broome, CPC

John 13:34-35 (NIV) “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Exercise in Sharing Appreciation

Sharing an Appreciation – Sender

Mirroring an Appreciation – Receiver

End with one-minute hug

Fresh Starts

Tips for Transitions:

John 13:34-35 (NIV)“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”